http://www.funnyjunkz.com Sat, 02 Aug 2008 03:57:05 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: * Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. * Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. *This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? *Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)” *This is a ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-junk/error-messages/ Roses are red, violets are black, why’s Yo mama’s chest, as flat as her back? Roses are red, Yo mama’s a witch, give her a quarter and she’ll be your bitch. Roses are red, violets are gold, so get on your knees and do what you’re told! Roses are red, I’m at the ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-poems/yo-mama-poetry/ 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times.Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/ethical-behavior-for-patients/ 12. Every time you hit the space bar, hundreds of Ritz crackers fly out of the CD-ROM drive. 11. The so-called “help” file is really just a collection of lame “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anecdotes. 10. Refuses to install new programs until you’ve achieved “clear” status. 9. You hit “delete” and the ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-junk/bugs-in-windows-2000/ You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify. 1. What language is spoken in France? 2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau. 3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-junk/entrance-exam/ Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship) From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995 Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills. Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden’s announce booth. Trying to make one of Marv Albert’s blooper reels. Our friends on New York Jets ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/cowboy-excuses/ A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. “Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. “You folks need all the practice you ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/practice/ A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles. ”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained. ”And you said you were the best guide in the United States.” ”I am,” the guide answered, ” but ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/misguided/ One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work. Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/priestly-duties/ Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/dirty-jokes/unfaithful-wives/ 20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it. 19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind. 18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow. 17. It’s a game of inches. 16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it. 15. When you ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/things-in-football/ When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad. Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither. And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught. In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/why-fishing/ Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, What is your IQ? to which the man answers, 241. That is wonderful!, says Albert. We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss! Next Albert introduces ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/albert-at-party/ Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place: First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend. Second Guy: That’s nothing, ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/four-married-guys/ Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking so long to make this shot?” “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/difficult-shot/ A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ” she said. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’” http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/new-to-football/ A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, ‘What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!’ The guy answers, ‘My wife is up ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/taking-aim/ After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition. Calling “heads or tails” but never getting any. . . “head” or “tail”. Players get “the wave”. . . refs get “the finger”. Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/top-nfl-complaints/ There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats. The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/nascar-samaritans/ A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained. “These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others. “The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior. After ... http://www.funnyjunkz.com/funny-jokes/senior-golf-logic/