Postcards from Honeymoon
Posted on July 22, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | 3 Comments
A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but “Nescafe.” Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: “Good till the last drop.” Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
Nude Painting
Posted on July 22, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Funny Blonde Jokes | 3 Comments
Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he’d been recommended to paint him in the nude.
“No,” the talented blonde artist said. “I don”t do that sort of thing.”
“But what if I double your fee?” he pleaded.
“Nope, sorry. Won’t do it.”
“How about I give you five times what you normally get?”
“Oh, okay then,” said the artist, “but I’m keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes.”
Exposed Breast
Posted on July 22, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Funny Blonde Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
“Why, officer?” asks the blonde.
“Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.”
“Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I must have left my baby on the bus!”
Going To Jesus
Posted on July 22, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Funny Junk | 4 Comments
Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.
They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”
“What?” his father replied.
“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”
Pee on a Ferrari
Posted on July 21, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | 1 Comment
One day, a guy walks out from a shop to see someone PISSING on his Ferrari.
“Hey,” says the man. “Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?”
“Because I feel like it.”
“Tell you what — I won’t report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari.”
“Whatever.” So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he’s hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
“I’m amazed,” says the driver. “How are you keeping up?”
“It’s easy,” says the running man, “when your dick is stuck in the door.”
Genie Wine
Posted on July 21, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | 1 Comment
While he was rooting around in the basement, a man found a magic lamp. When he rubbed it, a genie emerged in a huge cloud of pink smoke.
“I am the all-powerful genie. I shall grant you one wish.” The man thought about this, and decided that if there was one thing he couldn’t get enough of, it was wine.
“I wish I could pee wine. That’s my wish.”
“Granted.” And the genie disappeared. Later that day, the man’s wife came home to find her husband naked, holding a glass.
“Why only one glass?” asked her wife.
“You’re drinking out of the bottle tonight.”
Simple Mathematics
Posted on July 21, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
A math teacher and his wife were both 54 years old. One evening the wife came home and found a note from her husband. It said: ”My dear, you are 54 years old and there are some things you are not giving me, so I am at the Holiday Inn with my 18-year-old student. Don’t bother waiting up for me.”
He returns home that night to find a note from his wife: ”You are also 54 years old and there are things I need that you’re not giving me. So I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 18-year-old students and you (being a math teacher) should know that 18 goes into 54 way more than 54 goes into 18, so don’t YOU wait up for ME.’
Business Trips
Posted on July 7, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, “What trip?”
