Safe Sex
Posted on July 7, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?”
The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.”
“Oh I see,” replied the boy. “I’ve heard of that in health class at school.”
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, “Why are there three in this package.”
The dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday.”
“Cool!” says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks “Then who are these for?”
“Those are for college men,” the dad answers, “Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday.”
Bags And Bitches
Posted on July 7, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
Little Johnny and his father were walking down the street one day, and two ladies bumped into one another in front of them.
The one lady looked at the other and slapped her across the face. “You bitch,” yelled the one lady.
Stunned, the lady that was slapped yelled out, “You bag.”
Little Johnny, never heard those words before, turns to his dad. “Dad, what are bags and bitches?”
“Oh, that’s just another name for women,” replied his dad.
“Oh, okay,” said Johnny.
The two make it home and Little Johnny follows his dad up to the washroom to watch his daddy shave.
While shaving, Little Johnny’s dad cuts himself. “Oh shit,” he said.
“Daddy, what’s shit?” asked Little Johnny.
“Oh, that’s just another name for shaving your self,” replied his father.
Bored, Little Johnny wanders downstairs to find his mother cooking Read more
Gambling
Posted on July 7, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | 1 Comment
It was little Johnny’s first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that little Johnny was a good kid but that he was an avid gambler. He warned her that little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely.
The teacher did not seem disturbed, assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of little Johnny’s urge to gamble.
Shortly after lunch, the father called the teacher and asked her how things were going.
“Oh, everything is going very well.” She said. “I think I may have cured little Johnny of his gambling habit.”
The father asked her what had happened.
“The little tyke absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear.” She said. “I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher’s lounge to show him that I had no mole.”
“Damn!” The father said. “He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would see the teacher’s ass before the day was over.”
Beautiful
Posted on July 7, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
“My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“Excellent, Michael!” Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
“Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!’”
Last Day on the Job
Posted on June 4, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
The Finger
Posted on June 4, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
There was this girl about 13 years old. She loved cookies. Her parents were going away on a trip.
“Don’t let anyone in while we’re gone!” the parents said.
“Okay!” the girl said.
When they left, she heard the doorbell. She answered it. “Who is it?” she asked. It was a man. “I can’t let you in!” she said.
“I’ll give you 10 cookies!” he said.
“Okay!” she said.
Bye Bye
Posted on May 31, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | Leave a Comment
A father walked past his litle boys room and heard the boy saying “god bless mummy, daddy, grandma bye bye grandpa!” the father thought nothing of it and was glad the boy was praying. the next day they found the boys grandfather dead. that night the father heard the boy say “god bless mummy, daddy bye bye grandma.” the next day the grandma was found dead. that night the father heard the boy say “god bless mummy bye bye daddy.” the father was realy worried and stayed up all night in the morning he went to the doctor “help i think i’m going to die” but the doctor went “your perfectly fine.” the father went home feeling worried but when he walked through the front door his wife went “i’m so glad your here i found the milkman dead this morning.”
Superman
Posted on May 28, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes | 1 Comment
Superman was flying around metropolis, he was thinking that he needed a fuck and lois lane just wasn’t doing it for him anymore, so he decided to find someone who could give him what he needed
He flew to gotham city and asked Batman who he thought the best fuck in the universe was…and he replied Wonder Woman!! definately no doubt!
Superman decided to get a second opinion so he went to ask Spiderman and he said the same…
So Superman flew off to see if he could find Wonder Woman…he saw her lying in a field..naked with her legs wide open…Superman decided that he could swoop down at the spped of sound and be in and out before she noticed anything..
