The Guessing Game
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One day Bobby heard his parents talking in the living room, and went out to see what was going on. They were playing the Guessing Game, so he decided to listen
“Ive got somethin’ big, round, and red in my hand,” said Mom, so Dad shouted, ” APPLE!”
“Nope, thats not it… it was a tomatoe”
Now it was Dads turn, so he thought REALLY hard. “Ive got something long and yellow in MY hand honey,” he said aloud.
“BANANA!” shouted mom, but she was wrong.
“Sorry, it was a squash”
The next day Bobby went to school and told all his friends about this new Guessing Game. At the end of class he even told his teacher.
“Well, lemme try,” she said, so Bobby thought REALLY hard. He reached down in his pants and searched for a very long time. “AHA, Ive got it! Theres somethin hard and slick in my hand…and it EVEN has a head!”
The teacher was furious so she said ” Bobby go to the office NOW!”
Bobby was shocked at this, so he pulled out his hand and said ” Look, all I have is a quarter…”
After Forest Fire
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After a horriible forest fire, a baby duck and skunk orphan start a conversation.. all of a sudden, the duck asks the skunk what he looks like. the skunk replies “well, you have webbed feet, feathers, and a bill,…you’re a duck”…the skunk then asks the duck what he looks like,..the duck replies, “well, you’re white, you’re black, and you smell,..you’re puerto rican”
a Donkey
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One day, a farmer wanted to buy a donkey. So he walked into the stable and said “Sir I’d like to buy an ass”
and the clerk pulled down his pants and said “Here’s a good one”
Little Mary
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Little Mary was never a good girl in Sunday School. Every time the teacher would be up there teaching the word of the bible to little children, Mary would put her head down and sleep. Every time the teacher would ask Mary a question, Mary wouldn’t answer it. So one day, a kid named John decided to help her out.
“Mary, can you tell me who created the universe and the heavens above?” asked the teacher.
Mary was asleep, so John reached over and jabbed Mary in the leg with his pen. Mary jumped up and shouted “God allmighty!”
Well Mary dozed off to sleep again. It came time for the teacher to ask her to answer another question.
“Mary, can you please tell me who is our savior, the son of god?” asked the teacher.
John reached over and jabbed Mary in the leg with his pen, and Mary jumped up and shouted “Holy Jesus!”
Well, as usual, Mary put her head down and slept again. The teacher asked her another question.
“Mary, can you tell me what Eve said to Adam after bearing his 23rd son?” asked the teacher.
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Want to Play Elevator?
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This girl just turned 21 and walked in to a bar. This old man named red was sitting on the stool next to her. He thought that a fine looking girl like her in a run down shitty bar would have to be looking to make $20. Out of no where red looks and her and says
“Have you or do you want to play elevator?”
She replies “what the hell is elevator?”
Red says ” Well if i can get this viagra to get me up you will go down!!!”
DUUUKE
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A boy was meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy’s chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
“Duke!” the dad yelled.
“This is great!” the boy thought. “He thinks the dog is farting!” So he let out another one.
“Duke!” the father barked. The boy thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
“Duke! Get out of there before the boy shits on you!”
Limmericks 1
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There once was a lad named Kevin
Whose girlfriend was four foot eleven.
She looked at his cock
When it was hard as a rock,
And it was ten inches long…minus seven.