Diet and Exercise
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you?ll have lost at least five pounds.
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
Why, that s amazing!? the doctor said. Did you follow my instructions
The blonde nodded. I ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.
From hunger, you mean , asked the doctor.
No, from skipping.
Painting Blonde
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Drinking Blonde
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Why did the blonde take a ladder into the bar?
She heard the drinks were on the house.
Painting Blondes
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” he replied. The blonde said “How about $50.00 ?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man’s wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats”. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 “and by the way the blond added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari”.
Blonde in a Restaurant
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Q: What did the blonde customer say after reading the buxom waitress’ name tag?
A: “‘Debbie’…that’s cute. What did you name the other one?”
Blonde Year in Review
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A Blonde’s Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…HELLOOO!…bottles won’t fit in printer.
March - Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2 - 4 years”
April - Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out.
May- Tried to make Kool-Aid - wrong instructions… 8 cups of water won’t fit into that little packet.
June- Tried to go water skiing - couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stoke swimming competition…learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.
August- Got locked out of my car in a rain storm…car swamped because soft-top was open.
September- The capital of California is “C”, isn’t it?
October- Hate M&M’s - they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!!
December - Couldn’t dial 911- duh - there’s no eleven on the stupid phone.
Bad Blondes
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they’ve been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she’s seen any cops.
“Yes,” says the blonde.
“Are their lights on?”
The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.”
Red Ears
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, “I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”
“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But. what happened to your other ear?” “The son of a bitch called back.”
One Eyed Blonde
Filed Under Funny Blonde Jokes, Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, ?Look at that dog with one eye!?
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, ?Where??