Getting A Haircut
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A blonde was roller blading with her headphones on. She stopped in the hair saloon and asked for a hair cut. She instructed that the hair stylist should not take off the headphones.
The stylist replied “no” so the blond left. She went to a different hair saloon and said the same thing. The stylist there replied “ok”.
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Blondes Bar
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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?”
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something.”
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6′2″, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6′5″ pushing 300 and he’s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Blonde Painting A Porch
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
Ice Fishing
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A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: “There are no fish in there”.
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.
Blonde Parents
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Dustin and Jane (both blonde) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
Blonde Patient in Pain
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A girl says to her doctor, You have to help me. I hurt all over.
She touches her right knee with her index finger and says, Ow! That hurts.
She touches her left cheek with her index finger and says, Ouch! That hurts, too.
She touches her right earlobe with her index finger and says, Ow! Even that hurts.
The doctor says, Are you a natural blonde?
She replied, Yes.
The doctor says, You have a sprained finger.
Toilet Paper
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.
The brunette says in a disgusted voice, “Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I’ll go get some toilet paper.”
After she leaves the blonde begins to laugh.
The redhead says, “What’s so funny?”
The blonde says, “Well, blondes are supposed to be so dumb and look at her. By the time she gets back with that toilet paper that seagull will be miles away!”
Nude Painting
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Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he’d been recommended to paint him in the nude.
“No,” the talented blonde artist said. “I don”t do that sort of thing.”
“But what if I double your fee?” he pleaded.
“Nope, sorry. Won’t do it.”
“How about I give you five times what you normally get?”
“Oh, okay then,” said the artist, “but I’m keeping my socks on. I need a place to put my brushes.”
Exposed Breast
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A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
“Why, officer?” asks the blonde.
“Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.”
“Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I must have left my baby on the bus!”