Medical Terminology
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Anally — occurring yearly
Artery — study of paintings
Bacteria — back door of cafeteria
Barium — what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section — district in Rome
Cat scan — searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — sheep dog
Coma — a punctuation mark
Congenital — friendly
DC — where Washington is
Diarrhea — journal of daily events
Dilate — to live long
Enema — not a friend
Fester — quicker
Fibula — a small lie
Genital — non-Jewish
G.I. Series — soldiers’ ball game
Grippe — suitcase
Hangnail — coat hook
Impotent — distinguished, well known
Intense pain — torture in a teepee
Labor pain — got hurt at work
Medical staff — doctor’s cane
Morbid — higher offer
Nitrate — cheaper than day rate
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Horseback Riding
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A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when………………………………
Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
X Rated Video
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A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn’t done before, so she sets out to rent her first X-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds *VERY* stimulating.
She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there’s nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.
“I just rented an adult movie from you and there’s nothing on the tape, but static.”
Two Blondes Arguing
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Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,…very slowly?”
The manager leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrrrr- gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.
Happy Birthday
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A blonde goes in to apply for a job and she fills out an application. She takes it up to the man and he says you forgot three blanks. He asks how old are you, so she counts on her fingers and finally reaches 22, okay then how tall are you so she tries to measure herself she says 5′2, okay then what is your name, she nodes her head back and forth for a few seconds and says Jennifer. He says okay I get how you got your age and you height, but how did you get your name by nodding your head back and forth, she says I was singing “Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Jennifer.
Blonde Meets God
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There was a blond who was dying from cancer. When she is on the hospital bed GOD came into contact with her. The blond asked GOD how much longer she had to live. GOD said that she had 40 years 8 months and 6 days to live. So after her fight with cancer was over, she decided to have a tummy tug, have plastic surgery, and dye her hair. On the last day of surgery she was coming out of the hospital and was killed by a speeding ambulance. When she got to heaven she tells GOD that she thought she had at least 40 years to live.Then GOD said, Sorry I couldn’t recognize you.
Deodrant
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The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
Professional Blondes at a Bar
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A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar. He leans over to the big woman next to him and says: “Do you want to hear a funny blonde joke?” The big woman replies: “Well, before you tell me that joke, you should know something. I’m blonde, six feet tall, 210 pounds, and I’m a professional athlete and bodybuilder. Also, the blonde woman sitting next to me is 6′2″, weighs 220 pounds and is an ex-professional wrestler. And next to her is a blonde who is 6′5″, weighs 245 pounds, and she is a current professional kickboxer. Now, do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?”
The guy thinks about it a second and says: “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
Blonde’s Car For Sale
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A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s illegal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “I just want to sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the odometer in your car back to 50,000, miles. Then you shouldn’t have a problem selling your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About a month later, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde. “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it.”