Lottery Ticket
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A blonde woman and her fiance just got married. They were really poor so she went to church and prayed. “God, I need to win the lottery. My husband and I really need the money. Please!” So she went home that evening and watched to see if she won the lottery. She didn’t. So she went back to church to pray again. “Please, God, we really need the money. Please.” She went back home and again, she did not win the lottery. She went back to church and she said, “God, why won’t you let me win the lottery?” A big, booming voice said, “Lady, you need to buy a lottery ticket to win the lottery!”
Blonde Salesperson
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A blonde was in a department store and she wanted a nice new shirt. So when she walked in and turned to the mannequin and said “I really like that shirt were did you get it can you help me find one like it?” So after awhile she began to get upset when the mannequin didn’t move, so then she walked over to some one else to find some help and ran away screaming so when a salesperson stopped her to find out why she was screaming and running she said “that woman over there looks just like me!” and he said “ma’m that is a mirror!”
Blonde Visits Barber
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A blonde walked into a barber shop with her headphones on. The barber said, “You have to take your headphones off so I can cut your hair.”
The blonde said, “I can’t.”
The barber said, “Ok, I’ll cut around your hair until I get to the headphones then you’ll have to take them off.”
So the barber cut around the blondes hair until he go to her headphones.
He said, “You have to take your headphones off so I can cut your hair.” “I can’t.” said the blonde.
So the barber took off the blondes headphones and she died.
The blonde died because the headphones were saying “Breathe in, Breathe out.”
Two Sisters and a Bull
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Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, “When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.”
The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.
10 Blonde Inventions
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1. Water-proof towel.
2. Solar powered flashlight.
3. Submarine screen door.
4. A book on how to read.
5. Inflatable dart board.
6. A dictionary index.
7. Ejector seat on a helicopter.
8. Powdered water.
9. Pedal-powered wheel chair.
10. Water-proof tea bag.
Blonde Fishing
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A blonde is driving on the highway. She looks over and sees another blonde in a wheat field, rowing a boat. She stops and gets out of her car and says, “What are you doing out there?”
The blonde in the wheat field replies, “Fishing.”
Blonde #1 says, “It’s blondes like you that make blondes like me look stupid. If I knew how to swim, I would come out there and kick your butt.”
Blonde Pilot
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A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.
Three Blondes and Brunette
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There are three blondes and a brunette. They are hanging off of a rope from a cliff and the rope is about to break. Somebody has to jump. After awhile of thinking, the brunette decides that she is going to jump. She gives a long speach about her life, and the blondes clapped!
Dirty Christmas
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1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?
3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
5. I know when you’ve been bad or good … so let’s skip the small talk, sister!
6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.