The Desert
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A car broke down in the middle of the desert with three women inside. A red head, brunette and a blonde. They all decided that they have to go out to find help. doing this they all decided to take something with them. the red head asks the brunette what she was taken and the brunette said “some water just incase we get thirsty”. The brunette asks the red head the same question and she replys i brought some found just incase we get hungry. They both turn round and looked at the blonde and said “what are you taking” the blonde replys ” I m taking the car door so if we get hot we can wide down the window”
Blind Man
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A blind man walk into a bar 1 night, orders a drink and says to the person next to him, “hey, would you like 2 hear a blonde joke?” the woman next to him says “listen mate i am a gold medal weight lifting champion, and im blonde, my friend over there is a martial arts 2 time silver medalist, and shes a blonde, and my sister bside me is a 3 time bronze medalist at kickboxing, now do u still want to tell tht blonde joke ?” the man pauses for a second, then finally says “ok but i am not explaining it three times !”
Painting a House
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Blondes and Cars
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A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” he replied. The blonde said “How about $50.00 ?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man?s wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. “You?re finished already?” he asked. “Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats”. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 “and by the way the blond added, “that?s not a Porch, it?s a Ferrari”.
The River
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One day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and stuff and they were trying to figure out a way to get across. The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didn’t make it and got eaten. Then the blonde says ” I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across! “
Coke Vending Machine
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A blonde is at a store. She watched a woman at coke vending machine put 2 quarters in, pressed a button and out comes a drink. She got very excited when she saw this and decides to give it a try herself. So she puts 2 quarters in, presses a button and out comes a drink…She gets really excited and starts jumping up and down…So she does it again and out comes another drink and starts jumping up and down.. she does this again and when the drink came out she was screaming and hooting and hollering. a man waiting in line to get a drink was watching her and was wondering what she was doing. He says “Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing?!”…She says” shut up and wait your turn…Im winning here!”
Breathalyzer Test
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One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”
“What’s a license???” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. “Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.
Blonde and Pawn Shop
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A blonde walks into a pawn shop.
Blonde: Can I buy that T.V. in the window?
Manager: Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes.
The next day the blonde come to the pawn shop with a shaved head.
Blonde: Hey manager, can I buy that T.V. in the window?
Manager: Sorry we dont sell to blondes.
Blonde: How did you know that I am a blonde?
Manager: Because thats not a T.V. its a microwave
Twins
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This blondes boyfriend was in the drive way and the blonde came runing out and she started jumping up and down like 10 times and he said what are u so happy about and she said we are haveing a baby and he said kool and she said we are having twins and he said how do u know she said i took 2 pregency and they said that i was pregnet… lol