The Blonde Kidnapper
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A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I`ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I`ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.”
The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid`s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?”
Silver Haired Old Lady
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The silver haired lady confronted her doctor with a complaint of pains all over her body.
“Be more precise,” he said. “So I can help you, try pointing to some of the places that hurt.
The silver-haired doll put her finger on her arm and said, “Ouch!” then her finger to her hip and said, “Ouch!” and then to her rib cage and said, “Ouch!” again.
The doctor stopped her and asked, “Were you a blonde before your hair grayed”?
“Why yes!” she said excitedly, “But how did you know?”
The Doc answered, “Your finger’s broken.”
The Desert
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A car broke down in the middle of the desert with three women inside. A red head, brunette and a blonde. They all decided that they have to go out to find help. doing this they all decided to take something with them. the red head asks the brunette what she was taken and the brunette said “some water just incase we get thirsty”. The brunette asks the red head the same question and she replys i brought some found just incase we get hungry. They both turn round and looked at the blonde and said “what are you taking” the blonde replys ” I m taking the car door so if we get hot we can wide down the window”
Blind Man
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A blind man walk into a bar 1 night, orders a drink and says to the person next to him, “hey, would you like 2 hear a blonde joke?” the woman next to him says “listen mate i am a gold medal weight lifting champion, and im blonde, my friend over there is a martial arts 2 time silver medalist, and shes a blonde, and my sister bside me is a 3 time bronze medalist at kickboxing, now do u still want to tell tht blonde joke ?” the man pauses for a second, then finally says “ok but i am not explaining it three times !”
Painting a House
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes.
He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Blondes and Cars
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A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?” he replied. The blonde said “How about $50.00 ?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man?s wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should, she was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. “You?re finished already?” he asked. “Yes, the blond answered and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats”. Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.00 “and by the way the blond added, “that?s not a Porch, it?s a Ferrari”.
The River
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One day a blonde brunnette and a red head approached a river full of sharks and crocodiles and stuff and they were trying to figure out a way to get across. The red head (ranger) tried to swim across but she got eaten and then the brunnette tried to jump across but she didn’t make it and got eaten. Then the blonde says ” I know ill use that bridge over there to make a boat to get across! “
Coke Vending Machine
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A blonde is at a store. She watched a woman at coke vending machine put 2 quarters in, pressed a button and out comes a drink. She got very excited when she saw this and decides to give it a try herself. So she puts 2 quarters in, presses a button and out comes a drink…She gets really excited and starts jumping up and down…So she does it again and out comes another drink and starts jumping up and down.. she does this again and when the drink came out she was screaming and hooting and hollering. a man waiting in line to get a drink was watching her and was wondering what she was doing. He says “Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing?!”…She says” shut up and wait your turn…Im winning here!”
Breathalyzer Test
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One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”
“What’s a license???” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. “Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.