Ethical Behavior For Patients
Posted on May 21, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times.Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it.It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand.
6. Submit to novel experimental treatment readily.Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
7. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly.You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
8. Do not suffer from ailments that you cannot afford.It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your means.
9. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor.The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
10. Never die while in your doctor’s presence or under his direct care.This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
Cowboy Excuses
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995
Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden’s announce booth.
Trying to make one of Marv Albert’s blooper reels.
Our friends on New York Jets convinced us: “Winning’s no big deal.”
Worried sick about Letterman botching the Academy Awards.
Those big guys on other team kept trying to knock us down.
Who needs all the pressure of a Super Bowl? Not us, Lonnie!
What a time to notice, them cheerleader outfits is skimpy!
Tired of going to Disneyland.
Practice
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.
They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
“Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice.
“You folks need all the practice you can get.”
Misguided
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained.
”And you said you were the best guide in the United States.”
”I am,” the guide answered, ” but I think we may have wandered into Canada.”
Priestly Duties
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”
”No, I guess not,” says God.
The priest drives about five to six hours away, so he doesn’t bump into anyone he knows. The golf course is empty when he gets there. So he takes his first swing, drives the ball 495 yards away and gets a hole in one.
Saint Peter watches in disbelief and asks, ” Why did you let him do that?”
To this God says, ”Who’s he going to tell?”
Things In Football
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.
Why Fishing
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.
Albert Arrives at Party
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he
sees and asks, What is your IQ? to which the man answers, 241. That
is wonderful!, says Albert. We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, What is your IQ? to
which the lady answers, 144. That is great!, responds Albert. We can
discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!
Albert goes to another person and asks, What is your IQ? to which the
man answers, 51. Albert responds, How about them, Cowboys?
