Cowboy Excuses
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Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995
Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden’s announce booth.
Trying to make one of Marv Albert’s blooper reels.
Practice
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A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.
They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
Misguided
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A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained.
Priestly Duties
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One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”
”No, I guess not,” says God.
Things In Football
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20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
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Why Fishing
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When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good.
If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad.
Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
In loving you lie about the one you caught.
You can catch and release a fish. You don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
You don’t necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.
Albert Arrives at Party
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Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he
sees and asks, What is your IQ? to which the man answers, 241. That
is wonderful!, says Albert. We will talk about the Grand Unification
Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, What is your IQ? to
which the lady answers, 144. That is great!, responds Albert. We can
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Four Married Guys
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Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool.
Difficult Shot
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Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like
forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking
so long to make this shot?”