Four Married Guys
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they ask him, You haven’t said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?
Fourth Guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’
So she says, Wear your sweater.
Difficult Shot
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like
forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing.
Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you taking
so long to make this shot?”
“My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make
this shot a good one,” said Bob.
“Good Lord,” said David, “you haven’t got a chance of hitting her from
here.”
New to Football
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she liked the game.
“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents, ” she said.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”
Taking Aim
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed… driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ‘What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damned ball!’
The guy answers, ‘My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.’
‘Give me a break! You don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of hitting her from here.’
Top NFL Complaints
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
After shooting the blank gun to end the half, the Dallas Cowboy players start shooting back with live ammunition.
Calling “heads or tails” but never getting any. . . “head” or “tail”.
Players get “the wave”. . . refs get “the finger”.
Anyone who makes a call against the Detroit Lions risks pissing off their last remaining fan.
With Reggie White retired, the penalty for “Illegal use of a racial slur” is meaningless.
Just when we thought it was safe to be an NFL Ref, we have to go back to frickin’ CLEVELAND!!!
Thanks to instant replay, picking nose during a game is twice as risky.
Everyone else gets to wear their Autumn colors, but for me it’s black and white week after week after week!
Don King only bribes boxing judges.
Official rule books not made in Braille.
I’m the one that everybody wants to kill, so where’s MY helmet and pads?!
NASCAR Samaritans
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
There were three NASCAR fans on their way to a race, when they see an accident on the side of the road so they pull over! They go to help the victim, but they realize she is naked, so they take off their hats.
The first guy was a Earnhardt fan, and put his hat over her left breast.
The second guy was a Elliot fan, and put it over her right breast!! The last guy was a Gordon fan, and put his hat over her crotch.
When the police arrived, the officer looks at the girl and goes to evaluate. He first picks up the Earnhardt hat, puts it back down and writes something down. He does the same with the Elliot hat. Then he picks up the Gordon hat and puts it down then picks it up again.
He does this several times until the Gordon fan says, “What are you? Some kind of pervert?”
The officer replies, “No, I just usually find an asshole under one of these hats.”
Senior Golf Logic
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A foursome of senior golfers hit the course with waning enthusiasm. “These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,” one complained.
“These fairways seem to be getting longer too,” said one of the others.
“The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,” said the third senior.
After hearing enough from his senior buddies, the oldest and wisest of the four of them, at 87 years old, piped up and said, “Just be thankful we’re still on the right side of the grass!”
Yo Mama is So Ugly
Posted on February 2, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Jokes | 2 Comments
She didn’t get hit with the ugly stick, she was hit with the ugly log!
Kids dress up as her for Halloween!
She makes blind children cry!
You could stick her face in dough and it would make monster cookies!
I took her to the zoo and the guy at the door said “Thanks for bringing her back.”!
If you looked up ugly in the dictionary her picture would be next to it!
People hang her picture in their cars so their radios don’t get stolen!
People hang her picture in their basements to scare the rats away!
She looked out the window and the police fined her for mooning!
Her shadow ran away from her!
I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a job application!
I took her to a haunted house and she came out with a pay check!
People at the circus pay money not to see her!
