Woman on Fire
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!
Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.
Read more
Dilemma
Filed Under Funny Jokes, Short Rude Jokes | 5 Comments
A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, “Stop! Stop! You’re not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?” The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, “Nope. You are. I’m going to set the garage on fire!”
Loft
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
Three duffers were out golfing with the club pro one day. The first duffer teed off and hit a dribbler about 60 yards. He turned to the pro and asked, “What did I do wrong?”
The pro replied, “Loft.”
The next golfer teed off and duck hooked the ball into the woods. He asked the pro the same question.
Frog Grants Three Wishes
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, “Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first.” The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, “I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female.”
Read more
Jelly
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labelled “KY Jelly.”
Holy Men and a Bear
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Grandma’s Boyfriend
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was
dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”
Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my
bedroom and watch it all day long.
Read more
Skydiving Blind
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: “I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.”
Cheap Widow
Filed Under Funny Jokes | Leave a Comment
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, “Well, then, let it read ‘Fred Brown died’.”