Out Of College life
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1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
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Funny Grandma Kitchen
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A young girl was cooking a roast and cut the ends off of it and her husband told her she needs to leave it on as he thought it was the best part.
She told him that the roast wouldn’t come out perfect if she didn’t do it the way her Grandmother cooked it.
She had her family over for dinner and when the young woman put the roast on the table she told her Grandmother she hoped she made it like she always did?
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Ways to Recognize a Company Car
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1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
2. They accelerate at a phenomenal rate.
3. They enjoy a much shorter braking distance.
4. They can take bumps at twice the speed of private cars.
5. Oil, battery, tire pressures and fluid levels do not need to be checked nearly so often.
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Error Messages
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The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
Bugs In Windows 2000
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12. Every time you hit the space bar, hundreds of Ritz crackers fly out of the CD-ROM drive.
11. The so-called “help” file is really just a collection of lame “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anecdotes.
10. Refuses to install new programs until you’ve achieved “clear” status.
9. You hit “delete” and the guy in the next cubicle is instantly transported to Albuquerque.
Entrance Exam For Football Players
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You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic
Human Body Facts
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The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced during menstruation.
The same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
The pectin that is found in apples aids in lowering cholesterol levels.
The most frequent season for most suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest number of suicides.
The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.
The longest hiccups on record was by an American pig farmer whose hiccups persisted from 1922 to 1987.
Ways to Torture a Cat
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Tail tricks….This is the real funny part…Seeing the cat can’t really get to it’s tail, you can do shit with it and the cat is defenseless. Try tying the cat’s tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks, it’s tail get’s pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk. Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of nature, it can’t reach it’s paws around to scratch you since it’s spinning so fast it’s paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and the cat’s tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue it’s tail to it’s nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his ass comes up with it (That is a chain reaction?) Like it’ll be walking around town with it’s ass all dangling up, all the other furry fucks will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?). But that’s kinda mean.
Love is in the Air
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Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to either another person, a place, or thing; and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with those objects, including self-love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person.
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