Error Messages
Posted on June 23, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Junk | Leave a Comment
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”
* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
*User Error: Replace user.
*Windows VirusScan 1.0 - “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”
*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have
security?
*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.
Bugs In Windows 2000
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Junk | Leave a Comment
12. Every time you hit the space bar, hundreds of Ritz crackers fly out of the CD-ROM drive.
11. The so-called “help” file is really just a collection of lame “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anecdotes.
10. Refuses to install new programs until you’ve achieved “clear” status.
9. You hit “delete” and the guy in the next cubicle is instantly transported to Albuquerque.
8. In the middle of your fastest game of Minefield yet, the Stephen Hawking office assistant pops up and says, “It looks like you’re trying to arrive at a Unified Field Theory. Can I help you?”
7. Incorrect installation of printer drivers launches a nuclear strike against France.
6. Dreaded “Blue Screen of Death” replaced by less fearsome “Hamster Dance Screen of Death.”
5. Too easy to win new “Whack-a-Reno” game.
4. Default search options include “Body Cavity Search.”
3. Replaces hilarious, intellectual, pithy Top5 list items with crude junior high school humor.
2. Any time you empty the Recycle Bin, NASA loses another Mars Lander.
1. Changes “.gov” domain to “.bite-me” domain every time.
Entrance Exam For Football Players
Posted on March 10, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Junk | Leave a Comment
You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic
5. Metric conversion. How many feet in 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 1?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (Approximate)
8. What are people in America’s far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (C) NORTHERNERS
9. Spell — CAT, DOG, PIG
10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.
EXTRA CREDIT: Using your fingers, count from 1-5.
Human Body Facts
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Junk | Leave a Comment
The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced during menstruation.
The same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
The pectin that is found in apples aids in lowering cholesterol levels.
The most frequent season for most suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest number of suicides.
The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.
The longest hiccups on record was by an American pig farmer whose hiccups persisted from 1922 to 1987.
The longer white infants from low-income families are breast-fed, the less likely they will be overweight as young children, researchers said on Monday.
The length of a human esophagus is 25 centimeters.
The human liver performs over 500 functions.
The feet have approximately 250,000 sweat glands.
The eight most popular foods to cause food allergies are: milk, eggs, wheat, peanuts, soy, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish.
The early occurrence of a fetus yawning is at eleven weeks after conception.
The average ear grows 0.01 inches in length every year.
Ways to Torture a Cat
Posted on July 23, 2007 - Filed Under Funny Junk, Funny Text | 6 Comments
Tail tricks….This is the real funny part…Seeing the cat can’t really get to it’s tail, you can do shit with it and the cat is defenseless. Try tying the cat’s tail to his front paw, cuz everyone time it walks, it’s tail get’s pulled, looks like some diseased person trying to walk. Or even better, get a nice grab of the tail, and start spinning the cat around using it, the cat will have to take the pain, cuz by force of nature, it can’t reach it’s paws around to scratch you since it’s spinning so fast it’s paws are spread-eagle like. If you have glue, and the cat’s tail is long enough, or maybe just a tad shorter, you can glue it’s tail to it’s nose, which is cool. The cat moves his head and his ass comes up with it (That is a chain reaction?) Like it’ll be walking around town with it’s ass all dangling up, all the other furry fucks will ram it up, which in turn, will make the cat freak when it tries to sit down (get it?). But that’s kinda mean.
Love is in the Air
Posted on July 23, 2007 - Filed Under Funny Junk, Funny Text | 2 Comments
Love generally includes an emotion of intense attraction to either another person, a place, or thing; and may also include the aspect of caring for or finding identification with those objects, including self-love. Love can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love, an experience usually felt by a person for another person.
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Cigar Insurance
Posted on July 23, 2007 - Filed Under Funny Junk | 1 Comment
Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a box of 24 rare and very expensive cigars, insured them against… fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.” The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued, and won.
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Going To Jesus
Posted on July 22, 2007 - Filed Under Dirty Jokes, Funny Junk | 4 Comments
Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.
They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, “Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today.”
“What?” his father replied.
“When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, ‘Jesus, I’m coming, Jesus I’m coming.’ If it wasn’t for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!”
