Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: One set to bitch at you with, and the other to apologize with.
Q: Why did the boy through a clock out of the window?
A: Because he thought time could fly.
Q: What is invisible and smells like banana?
A: Monkeys farts.
Q: How do u make a swiss roll ?
A: Roll it down a hill .
Q: What do two fish in a tank say to the other?
A: How do u drive this thing..
Q: What do cows play at parties?
A: Moosical Chairs
Q: Why do cows like jokes?
A: Becuase they like to be amoosed.
Q: Where do cows go to have fun?
A: To the mooovies!
Q: What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A: A milkshake!
Q: Why do cows use the doorbell?
A: Because their horns don’t work!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow with a rabbit?
A: Hare in your milk
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Why is it possible to see through preachers?
They are holy.
If Johns mom has 5 sons and their names are Ja, Je, Ji, and Jo.
Who is the last one?
What do you get when you cross Pikachu with Exeggcute?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs.
What kind of flower do you have between your nose and your chin?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
Why are builders afraid to have a thirteenth floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Aren’t all generalizations false?
Why aren’t there bullet-proof pants?
Sooner or later, doesn’t everyone stop smoking?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…Does that mean the fifth one enjoys it?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Q Is that a new haircut?
a) No, there’s a dial on my back that makes it longer or shorter
b) It’s my new merkin, did they fit it incorrectly?
c) Actually, it’s my sister’s but I liked it so much I stole it from her.
Q You’re so nice, why aren’t you married?
a) Because the only people I know are fools like you.
b) I’m opposed to dental hygiene for religious purposes; that makes it hard to find a girl.
c) Actually I’m not single, my girlfriend just doesn’t know who I am yet.
d) What, and give up the joy of constantly asking women for a date?