Computer Quotes
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UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there’s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Q: What is the difference between Windows 95 and Windows 98? A: 3 years
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Retirement Quotes
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“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
“Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.”
“Managing retirement planning makes sense to everyone. Emotionally, retirement means facing uncertainties of our second life. Sometimes retirement quote can be useful in preparing for our psychology… ”
“I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.”
Beer Quotes
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Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
- Kaiser Wilhelm
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry
I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan
Will Rogers Quotes
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I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what’s going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
Woody Allen Quotes
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
Sex without love is an empty gesture. But as empty gestures go, it is one of the best.
Emo Philips Quotes
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”
“I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.”
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
“My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.”
“My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.”
Yogi Berra Quotes
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It ain’t over till it’s over.
This is like deja vu all over again.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
The future ain’t what it used to be.
A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.
It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Ice Water? Get some Onions - that’ll make your eyes water!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!
A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
Don’t point that beard at me, it might go off.
Funny Engineering Quotes
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A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.
- Funny Engineering Quotes Douglas Adams -
“The road to success is always under construction”
Get it right….CIVIL ENGINEERS
A bridge is built for us to pass over; it is a work of utility, and which should endure. It should be in keeping with its object, solid, clean, simple, well executed without vain ornament.
- Paul Sejourne -
Aeroplanes are not designed by science, but by art in spite of some pretence and humbug to the contrary. I do not mean to suggest that engineering can do without science, on the contrary, it stands on scientific foundations, but there is a big gap between scientific research and the engineering product which has to be bridged by the art of the engineer.
- Funny Engineering Quotes Walter G Vincenti -