Funny Life Quotes
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Funny Life Quotes Collection
“It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.”
“Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.”
“Life is the only thing you can’t get out of alive.”
“May your life be like toilet paper… Long and useful.”
“Someone said to Voltaire, “Life is hard.” Voltaire replied, “Compared to what?” ”
“We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.”
“Life is full of disappointments, and I’m full of life!”
“Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway.”
Funny Irish Quotes
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Funny Irish Quotes Collection
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
“A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.”
“I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
“Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison.”
“Sometimes i think i am a genius. Then i realize I’ve already seen this episode of jeopardy.”
Funny Drunk Quotes
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Funny Drunk Quotes Collection
“Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.”
“You know you’re old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
“If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re a precipitate .”
“A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing.”
“Everyone loves a moose. Some just don’t know it.”
“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”
“By the time you can make the ends meet, they move the ends.”
Funny Anchorman Quotes
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Funny Anchorman Quotes Collection
“Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name’s Ron Burgundy. What’s your name?”
Ron Burgundy
“Oh, Ron, there are literally thousands of men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 per cent sure that I love you!”
Veronica Corningstone
“He’s standing in the middle of the baseline saying, “You gotta take home plate from me!” So there I go head first… ”
Champ Kind
“I’m gonna punch you in the ovary, that’s what I’m gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.”
Ron Burgundy
Funny Marriage Quotes
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Funny Marriage Quotes Collection
“Before marriage a man yearns for a woman after marriage the ‘y’ is silent .”
“Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish…”
“They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.”
Mae West
I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray.
Funny Movie Quotes
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Funny Movie Quotes Collection
“Pugsley: We’re not shy!
Wednesday: We’re contagious.”
Funny Movie quotes by The Addams Family
“Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don’t hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.”
Funny Movie quotes by The Addams Family Values
” Daniel Kaffee: “And don’t wear that perfume in court, it wrecks my concentration.
Lt. Commander Jo Ann Galloway: “Really!”
Daniel Kaffee: “I was talking to Sam.” ”
Funny Movie quotes by Anonymous
Funny Chuck Norris Quotes
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Funny Chuck Norris Quotes Collection
“If you want to accomplish anything in life,
you can’t just sit back and hope it will happen.
You’ve got to make it happen.”
Funny Quotes by Chuck Norris
“Violence is my last option.”
Funny Quotes by Chuck Norris
“The philosophy of the martial arts makes
kids goal-oriented and makes
them feel like they have self-worth.
It’s been proven. I’ve seen it myself.”
Funny Quotes by Chuck Norris
Funny Friendship Quotes
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Funny Friendship Quotes Collection
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”
Funny Friendship Quotes by Harry S. Truman
“There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.”
Funny Friendship Quotes by Benjamin Franklin
“I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.”
Short Funny Quote about Friendship by Euripides
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.”
Funny Friendship Quotes by Clifton Fadiman
Funny Dane Cook Quotes
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Funny Dane Cook Quotes Collection
“When you see somebody walking down the street wearing a Superman t-shirt, you just want to shoot them in the chest … when they start to bleed go, “I guess not” ”
Funny Quote Dane Cook from Retaliation
“oh its a blasty blast, you gotta try it ”
Funny Dane Cook Quotes by Anonymous
“now I love this question, I love this question, the guy’s going to look at you, he’s gonna go, “umm, do you need a box?” … ahh, no, I would like to make 9 trips, like I’m a chu chu train”
Funny Quote Dane Cook by Anonymous
“I love the movies, I don’t even call them the movies, I call them cinematic adventures ”
Funny Dane Cook Quotes by Anonymous