Funny Car Names
Posted on March 5, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs Implemented
All Un-informed Drivers Insulted
All Unnecessary Devices Installed
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
BUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
CHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Excuses Written By Parents
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | 1 Comment
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
Funny Definitions
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
Beauty Parlor:
A place where women curl up and dye
Cannibal:
Someone who is fed up with people
Dust:
Mud with the juice squeezed out
Egotist:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
Gossip:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage
Handkerchief:
Cold storage
Inflation:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
Raisin:
Grape with a sunburn
Tomorrow:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
Mosquito:
An insect that makes you like flies better
Yawn:
An honest opinion openly expressed
Secret:
Something you tell to one person at a time
Microsoft vs GM
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | 1 Comment
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.”
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, “Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?”
And…
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought “Car95″ or “CarNT”. But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, “Are you sure?” before going off.
Net Addiction
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
Top Signs of Net Addiction
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You get a tattoo that reads “This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3 or higher.”
You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap…and your child in the overhead compartment.
You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
You laugh at people with 28,800 modems.
You start using smiley’s in your snail mail.
Your hard drive crashes.
You haven’t logged in for two hours. You start to twitch.
You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP’s access number.
You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
How To Quit Smoking
Posted on January 28, 2008 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
1. Assume until that time, you had never smoked, and then you have to work. Buy stack of cigarettes and try to smoke.
2. Say you all smoke and smoke, but the taste and smell is not there. Light cigarettes, the method of serving its open fire and smoke here.
3. Assume you are unable smoke up over a sufficiently long
time. Remove from cigarette packets and Stop chasing the stack itself.
4. Say you felt bad pain in the mouth cavity. Turn cigarettes in a way that has been in the mouth it’s not the end alight.
5. Let’s say you do not like the taste of cigarettes. Perhaps you smoke filter.
To this from happening, buy cigarettes without filter - Primo or Astro, or thin end of “Death under sail” production friendly Cuba.
6. Assume you dizzy head hurts and nausea.
Then go vodka first, and then smoke. Vertigo and nausea it will be possible to write off alcohol.
7. For example, cigarette you often go out. We must remove cigarettes from mouth, when you drinking vodka.
8. Let’s say you went from the smoke. Do not panic, unlike vodka and smoke should behave. WARNING! Not entangle of you should go smoke rather than vodka. And that smoked up new cigarettes are not necessarily make a new toast.
9. Let’s say you already love to smoke, even smoke year-another, to build on the skills obtained.
10. Now abandon.
Christmas Day Oneliners
Posted on November 8, 2007 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
Q. What’s red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!
Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A. It was wound up already.
Q. What was wrong with the boy’s brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
A. Forty feet of track - all straight!
Html Tags
Posted on October 23, 2007 - Filed Under Funny Text | Leave a Comment
People say programming is very boring n tiring. Well programming can also be funny. It can be funny only and only if you understand it. Here are some HTML Tags and some pictures that will surely make any programmer laugh and much happier than before . The html tags are very much related to the pictures shown below.This will really make you to laugh .
Read more
