Imported Sports Car
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The work of a certain timid but thorough law clerk was valued for its precision, so soon he was making money to buy himself a nice imported sports car.
Not long afterwards he had the misfortune to get lost in the worst part of town, and when he stopped at a red light a huge, mean he hauled him out of the driver’s seat.
Drawing a circle around him on the pavement, the hoodlum told him not to set foot out of it unless he wanted the shit beat out of him. The delinquent proceeded to demolish the car, starting with the headlights and windows, when he heard the law clerk giggling.
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Mad Cow
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Two cows are standing around one day when one cow says to the other, “So what do you think about this mad cow disease?” The other replies, “What the hell do I care, I’m a goddamn hellicopter!”
High Stakes
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A man walks into a butcher’s shop and inquires of the butcher: “Are you a gambling man?” The butcher says “Yes”, so the man said: “I bet you L50 that you can’t reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there.” The butcher says “I’m not betting on that.” “But I thought you were a gambling man” the man retorts. “Yes I am” says the butcher “but the steaks are too high.”
The Mistress
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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very Fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, “Who was that??!!” “Oh,” replies the husband, “that was my mistress.” The wife says, “That’s it; I want a divorce.” “I understand,” replies her husband, “But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips Read more
Fart Names
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Funny euphemisms people use for farts …
Gravy Pants
Firing Scud Missiles
Turd Honking
Mud Duck
God Granting Miracles
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A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says “get in, get in!” The religous man replies, ” no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle.”
Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause “God will grant him a miracle.”
Catching the Bear
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Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another!”
Presidential Watches
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A man goes to a jewelary store looking to buy a watch. He looks at a watch called “the George Bush Watch” and asks the sales clerk why there are no hands. The sales clerk says–”you are suppose to read his lips”.
Snake Solves Problem
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I was driving down a lonely country road one cold winter day when it began to sleet pretty heavily. My windows were getting icy and my wiper blades were badly worn and quickly fell apart under the strain.