Finding Perfect Men
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At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
“The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Read more
Bride and Broom
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Two brooms were going to get married, before the ceromony, the bride broom said to the groom broom, “I think I’m going to have a whisk broom.” The groom broom said to the bride broom, “How can that be possible? we haven’t even swept together!”
Who is Superman
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Jenny : Robin, do you know who is a Superman ?
Robin: Yes, I know.
Jenny : Who ?
Robin : The one who wears his underwear over his pants.
Bathing Suit Shopping
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
“Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You’d never get it all in one.”
Safest Way to Drive
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Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.
Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
Believing in Santa
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Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything!
My Dog
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Having a dog is great, it’s just the ‘dog people’
that freak me out. “Oh, look at her, she’s precious,
just like Mommy.” Me?!? If I birthed something that had
8 nipples - it ain’t leaving the house.
Surgery
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I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it.I just did it as a warning to the other organs in my body to shape up or they’re out of there.
Generous Students
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Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.