Short Funny One Liner Jokes 5
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A bloke goes home to his wife and says, ‘I’ve won the lottery, pack your bags.’ She replies, ‘What for, winter or summer?’ ‘Anything you like,’ he says, ‘now sod off.’
My last holiday was terrible, I flew with BA.
He just kept shouting “You crazy Fool, I aint getting on no plane!”
My friend swallowed an extractor fan, he’s OK now but it took it out of him.
I broke my neck once, but to be fair I haven’t looked back since
What’s green and smells like yellow paint?
Green Paint!
Short Funny One Liner Jokes 4
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What kind of key do you need to get into the jungle?
A monKEY.
What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
Neck-tarines.
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
I spilt spot remover on my dog… now he’s gone.
Why do elephants have four feet?
They would look daft with just 6 inches.
Short Funny One Liner Jokes 3
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A plumber divorcing his wife turns round and said it’s all over flo.
What do people in Yorkshire call ebay?
Ebaygum
During my driving lesson, I asked my instructor, ‘Do I go left, right or straight across the roundabout?’ He replied, ‘No, you go around it.’
A Dyslexic man walks into a bra…
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They both have the same middle name.
Short Funny One Liner Jokes 2
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I used to work with a bald headed geezer who had tattoos of Rabbits all over his head. From a distance they look like hares.
My mate has just opened a delicatessen in Jerusalem. He’s called it Cheeses of Nazareth.
My husband joined the local mechanics course. They sent him home because he wasn’t in the right gear.
What’s ET short for?
Coz he’s only got little legs….boom boom
Short Funny One Liner Jokes 1
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A brain went into a pub and said, “Can I have a pint of lager please?” “No way” says the barman “you are already out of your head”.
What’s the difference between a man and a dog?
A man wears a suit, a dog just pants.
Did you hear about the prawn that went to a nightclub - he pulled a mussel.
A man walks into a surgery “doctor” he cries “I think I’m shrinking” “I’m sorry, sir there are no appointments at the moment” says the physician “you will just have to be a little patient”