Oh Please
The girl was fat and she liked cheese
The cheese she liked ate her keys
Her keys were gone and in the cheese
The cheese burped and it said please
Oh please give me more keys
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Funny Toyota Commercial
Funny Grandma Kitchen
A young girl was cooking a roast and cut the ends off of it and her husband told her she needs to leave it on as he thought it was the best part.
She told him that the roast wouldn’t come out perfect if she didn’t do it the way her Grandmother cooked it.
She had her family over for dinner and when the young woman put the roast on the table she told her Grandmother she hoped she made it like she always did?
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Imported Sports Car
The work of a certain timid but thorough law clerk was valued for its precision, so soon he was making money to buy himself a nice imported sports car.
Not long afterwards he had the misfortune to get lost in the worst part of town, and when he stopped at a red light a huge, mean he hauled him out of the driver’s seat.
Drawing a circle around him on the pavement, the hoodlum told him not to set foot out of it unless he wanted the shit beat out of him. The delinquent proceeded to demolish the car, starting with the headlights and windows, when he heard the law clerk giggling.
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Cart Crash
Self Fishing
Horrific Accident
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and
was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant.
Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began.
I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me.
So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree!
I served to the right and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles.
That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Apple Lemon and Grenade
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, “little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?” and the little girl said, “an apple came down and killed my new kitty”. Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, “little boy, little boy, why are you crying?” and the little boy said, “a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy.” Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, “why are you laughing so hard?” and the blonde said, “I farted and the building behind me blew up!!”
Blondes and Genie
Three unemployed blondes were out shoppping one day when they found an oil lamp in an antique store.
Together they began rubbing it and miraculously,a genie appeared. ‘I will grant you as much intelligence as you desire, ’said the geni.
‘Wow, ’said the first blonde ‘i would like to be ten times smarter then I am now,’and in a flash the genie granted her the wish.
The next day then blonde got a job as a teacher.
‘Hmmm said the second blonde.I would like to be twenty times smarter. Your wish is my command said the genie as he blinked his eyes and granted her wish. The next day she found a job as a nuclear physicist.
Well said the third blonde.I would like thing the way they are now.I dont have to go to a job and think all the time…if anything i would rather be ten times dumber right ok said the genie and The next day she woke up and found she was a man..