Funny Lines
You can take my breath away!!! stay away from me I don’t want do die Now.
U made me smile so wide……..I can eat a banana side ways.
Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!
The Moment She Arrives Every Other Face Fades Away…
Flirt but be alert.
Intel inside……….fool is out side.
Ashes 2 Ashes Dust 2 Dust Life is short so PARTY v must.
Love all; hate none…see all; select one..
He Took Me Fr0m a Bar. He Took Me In His Car. He Took My T0p 0ff. He Puts His Lips 0n Mine,But D0n’t W0rry I’m a Bottle 0f Wine..
Adam & Eve introduced love; Romeo & Juliet practiced it; Laila & Majnoo died for it; So PLZZZZZZZ guyz don’t go for it.
LOVE IS THE MISUNDERSTANDING BETWEEN TWO FOOOLS!
Loved by FEW Hated by MANY Feared by ALL.
I cant help falling in love with u….
Love can sometimes be magic… But magic can sometimes just be an illusion!!
Everyone says you only fall in love once but thats not true, everytime I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.
Do u believe in love at first sight or do i have to walk past u again?
I removed L from LOVER…….n now its all OVER !!!
DONT SAY YOU LOVE ME UNLESS U REALLY MEAN IT, CUZ I MIGHT DO SOMETHING CRAZY LIKE BELIEVE IT
Everyday That Goez By It Seemz Like I Discover Somethíng New about You To Love It’z Incredíble To Me How I’m Loved by some, Hated by many, Envied by most, Yet wanted by plenty.
Only little boys who call themselves men say I love you, and don’t mean it.
Human Body Facts
The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced during menstruation.
The same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
The pectin that is found in apples aids in lowering cholesterol levels.
The most frequent season for most suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest number of suicides.
The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.
The longest hiccups on record was by an American pig farmer whose hiccups persisted from 1922 to 1987.
The longer white infants from low-income families are breast-fed, the less likely they will be overweight as young children, researchers said on Monday.
The length of a human esophagus is 25 centimeters.
The human liver performs over 500 functions.
The feet have approximately 250,000 sweat glands.
The eight most popular foods to cause food allergies are: milk, eggs, wheat, peanuts, soy, tree nuts, fish, and shellfish.
The early occurrence of a fetus yawning is at eleven weeks after conception.
The average ear grows 0.01 inches in length every year.
Jesus Saves
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
“Very well, then,” says God, “let us see if Jesus fared any better.”
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, “B-b-but how? I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact. How did he do it?”
God smiled all-knowingly, “Jesus saves.”
Wrong Number
Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.really sexy u make me randy.ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …oops sorry wrong number forget what I said!
A Woman
A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all.
Excuses Written By Parents
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father’s fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take physical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip.
12. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
13. Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night.
14. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating.
15. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach.
16. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout.
17. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
18. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals.
19. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(crossed out), diahoah(crossed out), dyah(crossed out) the shits.
Funny Definitions
Beauty Parlor:
A place where women curl up and dye
Cannibal:
Someone who is fed up with people
Dust:
Mud with the juice squeezed out
Egotist:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
Gossip:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage
Handkerchief:
Cold storage
Inflation:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper
Raisin:
Grape with a sunburn
Tomorrow:
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today
Mosquito:
An insect that makes you like flies better
Yawn:
An honest opinion openly expressed
Secret:
Something you tell to one person at a time
Microsoft vs GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal.”
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, “Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?”
And…
1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought “Car95″ or “CarNT”. But, then you would have to buy more seats.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single “general car default” warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say, “Are you sure?” before going off.