Error Messages
The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:
* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”
Yo Mama Poetry
Roses are red, violets are black, why’s Yo mama’s chest, as flat as her back?
Roses are red, Yo mama’s a witch, give her a quarter and she’ll be your bitch.
Roses are red, violets are gold, so get on your knees and do what you’re told!
Roses are red, I’m at the door, Yo mama has a cup saying “Change for the poor.”
Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo mama stinks, and so do you.
Ethical Behavior For Patients
1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort.Involvement with the patient’s suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity.
2. Be cheerful at all times.Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated.Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief.You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced.
Bugs In Windows 2000
12. Every time you hit the space bar, hundreds of Ritz crackers fly out of the CD-ROM drive.
11. The so-called “help” file is really just a collection of lame “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anecdotes.
10. Refuses to install new programs until you’ve achieved “clear” status.
9. You hit “delete” and the guy in the next cubicle is instantly transported to Albuquerque.
Entrance Exam For Football Players
You Must Answer Two (2) or More Questions Correctly to Qualify.
1. What language is spoken in France?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions. OR Give the first name of PIERRE Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to: (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army (d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope? (Check only one) (a) Jewish (b) CATHOLIC (c) Hindu (d) Swedish (e) Agnostic
Cowboy Excuses
Top Dallas Cowboy Excuses (for losing 1995 NFC Championship)
From David Letterman - Tuesday, January 17, 1995
Afraid to play in Super Bowl against anyone but the Bills.
Distracted by delicious smell of barbecue coming from John Madden’s announce booth.
Trying to make one of Marv Albert’s blooper reels.
Practice
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings.
They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him.
But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
Misguided
A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been travelling in circles.
”We’re lost!” One of the hikers complained.
Priestly Duties
One Sunday morning, a priest wakes up and decides to go golfing. He calls his boss and says that he feels very sick, and won’t be able to go to work.
Way up in heaven, Saint Peter sees all this and asks God, ”Are you really going to let him get away with this?”
”No, I guess not,” says God.