How To Quit Smoking
1. Assume until that time, you had never smoked, and then you have to work. Buy stack of cigarettes and try to smoke.
2. Say you all smoke and smoke, but the taste and smell is not there. Light cigarettes, the method of serving its open fire and smoke here.
3. Assume you are unable smoke up over a sufficiently long
time. Remove from cigarette packets and Stop chasing the stack itself.
4. Say you felt bad pain in the mouth cavity. Turn cigarettes in a way that has been in the mouth it’s not the end alight.
5. Let’s say you do not like the taste of cigarettes. Perhaps you smoke filter.
To this from happening, buy cigarettes without filter - Primo or Astro, or thin end of “Death under sail” production friendly Cuba.
6. Assume you dizzy head hurts and nausea.
Then go vodka first, and then smoke. Vertigo and nausea it will be possible to write off alcohol.
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The Giant Cigarette Lighter
A guy walks into a bar, sits down next to another guy and immediately notices the guy has a very large Bic cigarette lighter.
The first guy says “Wow, that’s a huge lighter…where did you get it?”
The guy replies “A genie from this bottle granted me one wish.”
“Great, can I try it?”
“Sure.”
The first guy rubs the bottle and the genie appears. “You are granted one wish” says the genie.
The guy says, “I want a million bucks!”
“Done” says the genie and disappears.
Dating Etiquette
A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said: “Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but don’t let him do that.
He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but don’t let him do that. But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don’t let him do that. It will disgrace the family.”
Website Under Construction
Looking up websites on infertility, I found an address that sounded interesting. I clicked on the link and was taken to a site that said, “This page is under construction.”
I looked closer and saw in smaller print: “Check back in nine months and see what we’ve accomplished.”
Lawyer Dies
A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. “Hello mate” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.” “What?” exclaims the man, astonished. “You heard, no Lawyers.”
“But, but, but, I’ve been a good man”, replies the Lawyer. “Oh really”, says St. Peter. “What have you done, then ?” “Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starving children in Africa”.
“Oh” says St.Peter. “anything else?” “Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 dollars to the homeless.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 dollars to the Albanian orphans.”
Mathematical Viewpoint
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
Stone
Maury and Pauly, in their younger years, went to the county fair and slipped into the hoochy-coochy show, where the ecdysiast was just beginning to “dare all to bare all.”
“Uh-oh,” said Pauly, “I’m gettin’ outta he’e!”
Going to California
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later Read more
Stupid Married Blonde
There was a married blonde who was very concerned about her stupidity to her husband, so she decides to make it up to him by painting the house while he’s at work.