College Survival Tips
14. Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.
13. Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life.
12. Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until someone loses their ‘nads.
11. Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.
10. Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.
9. If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major.
8. Boring lecture? Start a wave!
Prisoners Mail
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: “Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?”
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: “Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.”
The Elderly Snake
An old snake goes to see his doctor.
He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he’s very depressed.
Deserving Grade
There was a university in New England where the students operated a “bank” of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade.
The FBI Interview
Three men want to become agents for the FBI. After a day of intensive interviews, they are told there is one more test to prove their dedication to the FBI. The head FBI agent takes the first guy into a private room. He hands him a gun and says, “Go into that room and kill your wife.” The guy says, “No way,” and leaves FBI headquarters.
The second guy goes through the same proceedings. He walks into the second room, but on seeing his wife decides that she is worth more than a good job, and he, too, refuses.
Funny Lines
You can take my breath away!!! stay away from me I don’t want do die Now.
U made me smile so wide……..I can eat a banana side ways.
Don’t hate me because I m good, Hate me because I know it!!
The Moment She Arrives Every Other Face Fades Away…
Flirt but be alert.
Intel inside……….fool is out side.
Ashes 2 Ashes Dust 2 Dust Life is short so PARTY v must.
Love all; hate none…see all; select one..
Human Body Facts
The smile is the most frequently used facial expression. A smile can use anywhere from a pair of 5 to 53 facial muscles.
The slowest growing finger nail is on the thumb nail and the fastest growing is the finger nail on the middle finger.
The sensitivity of a woman’s middle finger is reduced during menstruation.
The same amount of calories are burned by doing 6 sessions that are 5 minutes each of an activity and doing 1 session of that activity for 30 minutes.
The pectin that is found in apples aids in lowering cholesterol levels.
The most frequent season for most suicides to occur is in the spring. The winter months have the lowest number of suicides.
The majority of American models are skinnier than 98% of American women.
The longest hiccups on record was by an American pig farmer whose hiccups persisted from 1922 to 1987.
Jesus Saves
Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.
They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over.
He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.”
Wrong Number
Ur cute gorgeous fine & dandy.
really sexy u make me randy.
ur good wiv ur mouth & also in bed …
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